C'mon Get Happy

What's in a name redux: Dallas County Commissioner Ken Mayfield files an ultimately unsuccessful lawsuit to stop his election opponent Rose Renfroe, an Anglo, from using the nickname "Rosita" on the November ballot. Mayfield complains that the Democrat Renfroe cooked up the name as a ploy to win Latino votes. Renfroe counters that literally tens of people know her as "Rosita," including her late husband, housekeeper and "the guys who mow my lawn." Undaunted by her loss in what was otherwise a Democratic sweep in county elections, Renfroe vows to return in the next election with her other nickname: "LaQuiesha" Renfroe.

Survivor: Lancaster High School music teacher Theresa Dobbs, arrested in class for an outstanding $50 traffic ticket, spends three days in the Dallas County jail without seeing a lawyer, bail bondsman or judge, the result of what jail officials say is a clerical error. Hers is the second such case to occur in the past year, the Morning News reports. Sheriff Valdez assures reporters that Dobbs' incident is a sign that conditions at the troubled jail are finally looking up. "Only three days and she didn't die or lose a limb or major organ? In our jail? Woo-hoo! We're No. 1! We're No. 1!"

What goes down: Six Flags Over Texas in Arlington unveils a promotion that will allow anyone who eats a Madagascar hissing cockroach to move to the front of the line for the park's popular Titan rollercoaster. The campaign hits a snag when the park quickly runs out of the insects, which can grow up to 3 inches in length. "I don't really want to ride the rollercoaster," says park patron Lester Warren, his lips glistening with green roach goop. "But they were free, so I figured it was a way better deal than a $6 Six Flags hamburger, since I'm trying to eat healthier."

All thumbs: Terrell Owens is treated at Baylor University Medical Center's emergency room for what police at first call an attempted suicide. Owens quickly denies that he tried to end his own life and blames the incident on a reaction between pain medication and nutritional supplements he takes. Police later reclassify the case as an accident. "Apparently, someone tossed him some of his medication, but he bobbled them and didn't realize the pills slipped through his hands and fell into a Coke he was drinking," an unnamed police source says.

Free at last: Dallas County officials consider reopening a long unused jail, built in 1915, to relieve severe overcrowding at other facilities. Touring the old building to see if it is still fit for use, jailers discover the skeletal remains of one Thaddeus Grotweyler, who records show had been incarcerated in 1917 for illegally parking a buggy, only to be forgotten as the result of a "paperwork SNAFU."

Separate but unequal: Acting in a lawsuit filed by Latino parents, U.S. District Judge Sam Lindsay rules that Preston Hollow Elementary School principal Teresa Parker "was, in effect, operating, at taxpayers' expense, a private school for Anglo children within a public school that was predominantly minority." Plaintiffs accuse the school of segregating Anglo students into their own classes in an effort to encourage white parents to send their children to the predominantly Hispanic and black school. DISD officials deny that Parker or the district was deliberately creating an unlawful system of separate but equal at the school. "White kids from affluent North Dallas families are notoriously shy and retiring, so we thought that giving them their own bathrooms and drinking fountains might make the environment seem friendlier," a school spokesman says. "Guess they'll have to poop with the poor folk now."

Keep out: The Farmers Branch City Council adopts anti-illegal-immigrant measures that require apartment renters to provide proof of citizenship or residency, make English the city's official language and allow police to check the residency status of arrested suspects and initiate deportation proceedings in certain cases. The laws prompt several lawsuits and a petition drive aimed at their repeal. Critics complain the ordinances will make Farmers Branch appear to be a xenophobic enclave of white-flighters hostile to immigrants and minorities. "Ya think?" says city council member Tim O'Hare, who spearheaded the effort.

Oh, Tony: Tony Romo leads the Cowboys to a 21-14 victory over the unbeaten Indianapolis Colts on November 19, raising his record to 3-1 since he replaced the almost lifelike Drew Bledsoe as starting quarterback. Dallas County mental health workers report an upsurge in calls to counseling help lines from distraught males complaining of sexual confusion prompted by homoerotic dreams starring the young QB. "NFL fans include a substantial number of homophobes, so it's not surprising that these thoughts and dreams might cause a certain level of anxiety," a mental health worker says. "We're calling it 'romosexual panic.'" The Cowboys go on to defeat Tampa Bay 38-10 on Thanksgiving Day in a game that sees Romo tie a club record by throwing five touchdown passes. Romo celebrates the victory by serving holiday meals to the homeless at a Dallas shelter, successfully dividing one drumstick and two loaves of bread among a multitude of 1,100 hungry guests.